I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
Randomize
