help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
BAHHAHHAHHAHAHHA SOME ASS IS BIYING NE DRHBKS. DRUBK
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
Randomize
