id fuck shawn from boy meets world only if we could name the baby topanga.
you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
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