fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
Randomize
