There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
Someone shattered a urinal.
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
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