I woke up this morning wearing my tux shirt and jacket, but no pants.
______ was pissed. My breath tastes like tequila and doritos, and I couldn't get it up.
North Korea, Best Korea!
We have to give a final comment in english, i think i might say "i learned it's a bad idea to make out with people in your classes who have girlfriends."
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
one of them held the wheel while the other one changed her pants. while driving. on the thruway. what
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
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