I just saw a girl play flip cup with only her tongue
I'm in love
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
so the photographer said "let's get a picture of the cousins" so we posed together, and then he said " lets get a picture of the couples" So we posed together.
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
hey, cheif big dick, where the fuck are my panties.
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
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