we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
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