Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
I thought he was joking about the hundred beer challenge until two guys showed up with a camera and boom mic. This cabin party is going to be fucked
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
My orgasm happened in two different decades
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize
