Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
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