i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
I'm at about main and main street
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
Randomize
