she woke up with a sticky ear
My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
We lost Kevin again. Probably kidnapped by fattie 2 or butter-face 2 from last night. We need names and any information you can give us. Last scene with his shoe laces converted into a belt.
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
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