just come out here and I will go home with you...
I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
Drinking a pint every 8 mins right now. Power hour aint shit.
Good luck
Trying doe a second hour and I.cant open my eyes
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
Randomize
