it was like his penis was on wheels.
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
The Olympian is in my bed
Randomize