Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
Randomize
