Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Its not low standards. We're more of like a self esteem camp for average girls
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
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