I'm gunna smoke cigs today. I feel like I'm in that powerful and gritty mood which requires them
oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
your suggestions for charades were, getting sucked into an aircraft turbine, getting raped by a dolphin, and having sex with a vacuum cleaner. you got your own, and actually used a vacuum cleaner as a prop.
ttyl tear gas
threw up outside of the dorms in the parking lot in the pouring rain on the first day of class, i'd say summer is off to a good start.
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
Randomize
