Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
Randomize
