Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
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