Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
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