Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
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