We're facebook friends in real life
I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
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