What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
Randomize
