Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
Randomize
