Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
Randomize
