girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
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