Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
All I'm saying is that she needs to invest in some razors. But her head game is great. The pros and cons in last minute hook-ups
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
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