DOES ANYONE KNOW THE NINJA TURTLES
No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
Well for number 40 i would prefer to at least like the guy attached to the dick
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
Had dinner with a married woman but didn't have sex with her. Tweeted at Mike Pence to apologize anyway.
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
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