Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
Randomize
