this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
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