Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
Randomize
