we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
Randomize
