Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
Ecstasy body chair massage shower sex fest this week?
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
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