life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
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