I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
Im just a social blackout drinker.
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
Randomize
