Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
you made out with another girl for some wings
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
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