After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
Randomize
