that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
Randomize
