They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
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