i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
Randomize
