Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
this ms. usa coverage has sucessfully humbled every girl here. depressed fish in a leaky barrel. go!
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
Randomize
