whjeg hajt iyt
say what?
wanna hang out?
my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
I'll bet she douches with gravy.
Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
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