I scissor kicked a one legged man last night.
He was trying to put me in handcuffs.
You have my attention.
i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
its not facebook stalking, its market reasearch
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
Apparently, there is a horrible ghonorrea out break at our school. Woo! What a way for Loyola to welcome us back.
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
Randomize
