I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
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