bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
sent a snap of my boobs out to my FWB his response was what happened to your other nipple ring.. how do I say it got ripped out by my other FWB last week without sounding like a slut
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
Randomize
