I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
Randomize
