Have you finally orgasmed yet?
Only a mothe r could love this liver
Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
Randomize
