Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
Randomize
