Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
Randomize
