we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
The idiot babysitter thought my dildo was a teething toy and gave it to our child.
Did you put it in the freezer again?
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
Randomize
