i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
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