i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
Randomize
