all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
hes a good boy he deserves a good blow
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
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