i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
Randomize
