i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
Randomize
