Duck Duck Cougar?
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
Randomize
