I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
Randomize
