Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
Randomize
