Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
Ugh, I should just give up, and fuck him in a parking lot, and shave my head and walk naked through the streets of King's Landing.
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
Randomize
