so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
Randomize
