I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
It's cool dude. The dank is in the form of premade smores with honey grahm crackers, marshmallow cream and 420 brand choc. bars. NV weed laws have nothing on me.
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
Randomize
