Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
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