Megan Fox is the only woman I would let pee on me.
I'm similar. She's the only woman I'd ask to pee on me.
Ok yeah you're right. I'd ASK Megan Fox to pee on me. I'd ALLOW Erin Andrews to pee on me if she asked.
Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
Randomize
